The Profile Pic...

The one that was voted out

Guess it is high time that I changed my Profile Picture.
Two reasons.

One -> There have been at least 2 (two) confirmed cases of this pic being rated as a psychotic killer out on the loose, which, undoubtedly, I am not, thus the pic is essentially not Saumya-esque in attitude, hence needs to make an exit.

AND Two -> Some people have also expressed the opinion that the picture is unlike myself in form as well. "It doesn't look like you, Saumya"

A change of image is always nice, especially if it's for the better image, eh?

So here it is, boys n gals, the all new and improved me!!!

Folks, we have a new contender!

The Really Crap Post...

Well, there comes a time on every blog page when the author loses the interest [slash] time [slash] energy [slash] inclination [slash] incentive to post new material on the blog.

Having said that, I must say, I haven't !!!

So I come up with an absolute crap post like this to bugger all of you (umm...that makes me wonder if "all of you" isn't a bit of exaggeration, I mean, how many from the homo sapiens clan would actually read my blog, by the way?)

Also, since I have set down to "blog", then why not me talk about something interesting. How about an advice post. Or maybe a DIY post. Hmm, DIY is good (you see I am making this all up as I am typing, and I have made a promise to myself that I will not step back and delete anything that I have typed, so all this, folks is impromptu typing that you are reading all along!)

So where were we? Yes, the DIY post.

SO that raises a very pertinent question, what is it that the whole world might need a DIY for, especially coming from me? Thinking of what, I get a perfect idea. So here it is people, the DO IT YOURSELF for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, commonly known as DIYAEWWW. (Not a very pleasing acronym no? Well they say that appearances are deceptive, read the theory that follows now)

So, DIYAEWWW. Here it is.

Step 1. Think it.
Step 2. Do it.
Step 3. Forget it.

That is all about it. In those 6 words I have summarised all my knowledge gathered so far from anything that I have learned. Am open to dicussion on this. Really. Call me up, chat up with me, drop me a message, a comment. I'll make sure you get the theory.

This post started out as a crap post, but now I am wondering, if it really is ending as one. I have ACTUALLY compressed everything I knew in those 3 steps. And I am not trying to be funny here.

Give it a thought, it might strike you sometime. If it doesn't, I am there to hit you with the reality. Try me.

Friendship, Love, Marriage...

I dunno what made me write this, but then I AM writing this.

**If I love you, then it doesn't really mean that I expect you to love me. I know this.

**If you don't love me as of now, I'll wait till either (a) you begin to love me, or (b) you marry someone else. I will wait.

**If you love me as well, then too, we may still not end up marrying. I realise this.

**(By some strange whim of mine,) I would want to marry you, but it is too early to finalise anything. I accept this.

**If we end up marrying, we are supposed to be happy. I am not promising this, but honestly, I know, we will try, IF we end up marrying that is.

**There are a lot of "if"s here, but I do know one thing is certain...I would love you no matter what...It is the way I am made, and I really can not do anything about it, and frankly speaking, I don't WANT to do anything about it.

Confused?...Well, here's a hint. This message is for a very special person (SP), and you see this blog is one way to reach out to her. If you are not that SP, RELAX! You are fortunate that I ain't after you. (Trust me, if SP could testify, you would consider yourself lucky!)

Most of the rational people in this world would agree to this chronological order of Friendship turning into Love which moves on to Marriage. Unfortunately, Love Corrupts Rationality and thus I am of the view that SP caused me to think about marriage to her, which drew me close to see if we could be friends. Love is another issue altogether.

Atul tells me (and probably the only meaningful thing I have learnt from him) is that professing your love to the object of one's affection is something one should do at the earliest, but expecting the same in return is just not good. Love grows if it aint there, but it needs space to grow, and still it may not grow with a particular set of individuals. So should that mean that I don't befriend SP? Or that our friendship is of no consequence? No, aint so. We are friends, and we remain so, no matter what happens. Getting married to SP could be the most wonderful thing that would have happened to me, but then it is only a wish. (As a child I "wished" to become a Truck Driver! Thankfully my father got the better of me and I ended up in engineering) It is a wish that I will cherish and nurture as long as I can hope. But the bond of friendship shall remain, through thick and thin, just like all my buddies.

See ya!

On Orkut...

So dear ardent reader of saumyajain.blogspot.com, today I shall be ranting about a social network portal called Orkut. [psst...basically the motive of this post is to list down my Orkut Communities on my Blog, but I can't just do that, that would be too selfish you see, hence I have to pitch in some lines before the list and after the list as well ;)...]

Anyhow, those of you who have been reading my blogs earnestly would know that at one point of time I was not too confident, nor too optimistic about this particular platform. However, lately, I have been using Orkut to my advantage and I must confess that despite all its problems Orkut is still a good way to find people you've missed for a long long time. I have been contacted and have myself hunted down school mates, old pals and random people from my memory through Orkut, not to mention made some new friends as well.

One thing that I find to be my moral responsibility is to make it clear to anyone who reads my blog and uses Orkut is the correct pronounciation of Orkut. It's pronounced as "Aur-Cut" (Rhyming with "shut" and not "foot")

'Nother thing that comes to my mind is that people should also know that it was started by a person called Orkut Buyokkokten who is a God level computer guy studying at Stanford (I believe) who thought up this concept and programmed it as well. Look up his profile at Orkut if you are a member of this wonderful concept.

Back to business. Actually Orkut has this profile of me, in which I write about myself and other people can read it and come to know about me. There is also a system of Communities where people sign up and then they can post on that community's notice board as well as send messages to all the members of that community. Now as of today, my community count is 57, and I wonder what that means, because I really aint active (posting wise or message wise) on any of these communities, but somehow or the other I really identify myself with these communities. Here's a list to make this post worthwhile, and also to indicate the things I am interested in. Now potential employers, future spouse's parents or anybody who wants to do a background check on me is welcome to ask me about any or all of these communities, in fact even if you don't, I assume that a reading up of this list would pretty much make up yuor mind about the "type" of person I am...

Here goes the list (in no particular order)
01. Photography
02. Procrastination
03. IIT Kanpur
04. Puzzles
05. Tintin
06. Calvin n Hobbes
07. IQ
08. Brain Teasers
09. People Watchers
10. Malgudi Days
11. Women who wear skirts [Clarification : Now don't start thinking up weird things, I joined this coz I love such women]
12. Paradoxes
13. Capricorn
14. Amitabh Bachchan
15. Corleone
16. Gulzaar
17. Hall 3 IIT Kanpur
18. Abhishek Bachchan Fans
19. IIT
20. Most Sensual/Exciting Pictures
21. IITK ke Aero Waale [Translation : The Aerospace people of IITK]
22. Ham Club@IITK
23. Utpal Dutt and Amol Palekar
24. Aerospace IITK
25. Jainism
26. IITK Counselling Service
27. I Dream of Jeannie [The sitcom]
28. Y3 IITK
29. Dexter's Laboratory
30. KVPY Scholars
31. Indian Institute of Technology
32. Old Doordarshan Serials
33. Full House
34. Irfan Khan
35. Small Wonder
36. The Poetry Ring
37. EBooks Sharing
38. Born in 1985
39. Apeejay School Noida
40. Class Bunnkers [Ironic, it comes just after my School's community :P]
41. Fans of Byomkesh Bakshi
42. The Common Man - By R.K.Laxman
43. Middle of the Road Movies
44. MT
45. Ambidextrous
46. Sarkar [The Bollywood Movie]
47. Surabhi [A Television Program that used to be aired at the National TV Network]
48. I love JIA [A character from the STAR Plus sitcom "Shararat"]
49. IIT Lingo
50. Non Stop Nonsense
51. Aeromodelling Club, IIT Kanpur
52. Ham Club @ IIT Kanpur
53. U.P-Jains
54. BRiCS [_B_uild _R_obots _C_reate _S_cience, a group at IITK aiming to popularise Robotics as a hobby]
55. My Experiments with Truth
56. Abby se peedit log [Translation : People pissed off by Abby, a guy around]
57. I joined too many Communities [This community DOES exist, no kidding!]

Now my friend Mudit Bali from Apeejay School writes in his Orkut profile - "Let my communities speak for me...", I say ditto.

How Nerdy/Geeky/Dorky Am I?

Now normally I don't take these kinds of tests, but then I did use the word "normally" back there.

:)

Pure Nerd 69 % Nerd, 47% Geek, 13% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. Congratulations! THE "NERD? GEEK? OR DORK?" TEST

So there, am an official NERD now.

Most Hilarious Ice Breaker...

(courtesy Ballia)

Ballia to XYZ female on her Orkut Scrapbook : Hi! Pehchaana?
XYZ female to Ballia on his Orkut Scrapbook : Nahin :(
Ballia to XYZ female on her Orkut Scrapbook : Pehchaanogi bhi kaise? Abhi aaj hi toh pehli baar mile hain!!!

When Ballia told me this incident, I was laughing for at least 5 minutes. Not only the situation and the dialogue, but also the way he speaks and recalls it...absolutely wonderful!

Coming Soon...Who IS Ballia?

An Ode To Myself...

I found this poem on the net. It is by a gentleman who goes (actually "went" would be more apt here) by the name of Isaac Watts (1674-1748) . I found it almost like an ode written for me. Hence I reproduce it as it was found.

The Sluggard

'Tis the voice of the sluggard; I heard him complain,
'You have wak'd me too soon, I must slumber again.'
As the door on its hinges, so he on his bed,
Turns his sides and his shoulders and his heavy head.

'A little more sleep, and a little more slumber;'
Thus he wastes half his days, and his hours without number,
And when he gets up, he sits folding his hands,
Or walks about sauntering, or trifling he stands.

I pass'd by his garden, and saw the wild brier,
The thorn and the thistle grow broader and higher;
The clothes that hang on him are turning to rags;
And his money still wastes thill he starves or he begs.

I made him a visit, still hoping to find
That he took better care for improving his mind;
He told me his dreams, talked of eating and drinking;
But he scarce reads his Bible and never loves thinking.

Said I then to my heart, 'Here's a lesson for me,
This man's but a picture of what I might be;
But thanks to my friends for their care in my breeding,
Who taught me betimes to love working and reading.'

...and yes, for regular readers of this blog, you would be glad to know that Vinod Khare turned 21 today, which he claims is going to remain his static age for the rest of his life. He is of the opinion that one stops growing beyond 21. Well, I differ. We don't stop growing, but we certainly have cemented our personalities by this age. We can say we cease to be that impressionable kid we used to be, and face the world with our own set of opinions and ideas ("idiosyncrasies", for the lack of a better word!)

So anyways, here's wishing Vinod a very happy birthday, and congratulations to him on adding to the list of Eligible Bachelors (he turned 21!) of this institute. [smiles]

An Ironic IM Conversation...

[He] : Hi!
[She]: Hello.
[He] : Fine?
[She]: Fine.
[He] : Fine!
[She]: O.K.
[He] : Bye?
[She]: Yes.
[He] : Yes?
[She]: Yes.
[He] : Fine.
[She]: Yes.
[He] : Fine?
[She]: Yes, bye.
[He] : Awww shucks, bye.
[She]: What happened?
[He] : Nothing...
[She]: Why the "Awww shucks"?
[He] : Nothing.
[She]: Tell me, tellme tellme tellme.
[He] : Its nothing...
[She]: No, there definitely is something, you are hiding something from me.
[He] : No, my dear, I am not.
[She]: No I get it, you don't want to talk. Look you don't even respond properly to my messages!
[He] : Is it so?
[She]: Now don't play funny, you are definitely avoiding me (sniff,sob!)
[He] : :|

At this point "He" disconnects and gets back to watching cricket on Television, while "She" rushes to a friend seeking advice on how to tackle a difficult boyfriend.

Ladies are a strange lot.

The Do-Nothingers!

(inspired by a heavy discussion and an internet chat session that followed it)

The Do-Nothingers (I invented this name) is a group of 6 very very vehla (unbusy) IITians forced by a cruel turn of fate to end up enrolling at IIT Kanpur for getting their Bachelor's Degree. Here's one way to market this concept...

They are not people whom you would generally see around in a place like this. They are the real McCoys. They are real people. They are amidst you. They've got great camouflage skills, they can merge into a group as if they are an integral part of the regular heave and grind of this institute.

However.

When these six people, again by a twist of fate, happen to come together in a hostel room, they become the most volatile entity that mankind has ever known. An event happened in the early hours of April 23, starting from the previous midnight itself, and went on till 3:00 in the morning, but within those three hours, the destiny of the world was changed forever.

Heh heh heh heh, do you believe all this? Let me try again

The Do-Nothingers are actually 6 people who are extremely gifted by nature with a strange power that drives them to a bulla (incessant chit chat) session, no matter what the time and whatever the occassion (it being an end semester examination the next day, in the present case). As the name suggests, we actually DO nothing (with a special emphasis on DO). We just go on bullshitting and whiling away our time. It's an assortment across various engineering departments, and across various hobbies. However, all the Do-Nothingers are great intellectuals in their own right. They meet and discuss very very pertinent and important issues related to the future of society. AND they have the wisdom to realise that these issues are much much MUCH more important than the small petty things like classes, quizzes, exams, grades etc. As I said, REAL INTELLECTUALS.

Before we proceed further, I think we should get acquainted with them (in alphabetical order)

• Akshay Mathur (Materials and Metallurgical Engineering) : A MAJOR geek, living off Linux Flavours and Star Trek. Was the Computer Room Secretary of our Hall of Residence, wherein he realised the true noble pleasure of helping others out despite your own problems, complicated his life and simplified his grades since then. These days is still found loitering around blabbering about PHP Scripting, Web Designing, Programming and the latest Star Trek Season. It would be inappropriate to mention here that he has to be pushed by his wingmates to take a bath every fortnight. (But lo, I did mention it!) Fresh out of the bathroom, he is cute and huggable.


• Ankit Rohatgi (Chemical Engineering) : The real inventive engineer. The most versatile guy I have ever known. The God of Small Important Stuff. I mean, who thinks up of a mobile lighting unit for an amateur movie using UPSs? Or Microphone booms for the same movie using bamboos? Or cutting your toothpaste box into half and using it as a pen stand? Or experimenting with life, universe and everything? That is Ankit. We call him Huggy. Statutory warning : Interaction time for normal human beings limited to before midnight. After midnight, you talk to Huggy at your own risk. This guy is most productive at that time of the day, as well as most ruthless! And yes, he too drinks Linux for breakfast. Before you make up your mind about this guy, I should tell you, as a Chemical Engineer, he is always on the lookout for blowing a plant, spreading a vicious chemical onto a sleepy town or something like that. (I borrowed my first copy of the "Anarchist's Cookbook" from him!)


• Atul Jain (Civil Engineering) : The quintessential journalist. He could convince you of anything that he says, and I for once had even gotten into believing his advertised philosophy of "sirf hungaama khada karna mera maksad nahin, main chaahta hoon ki yeh tasveer badlalni chahiye" [Only raising an uproar is not what I seek, I want that the situation should change] Inspiring words na? Yes, that is the beauty of it all. He inspired me. But then, once we became friends, through more deep conversations, I've realised that what he actually meant was "Tasveer ki aisi ki taisi, keval hungaama khada karna hi mera maksad hai" [To hell with the situation, I revel in chaos and pandemonium!] There has not been a single major incident/uprising in which Atul Jain was not involved as an opinion. Be it the Hall 5 election issue, the Eve Teasing thread or the Aircraft Crash video in which even I was involved. It was a small RC airplane that had crashed during an airshow, and we covered it like a news team does, adding spice and masala, involving the Prime Minister as well as "the foreign hand". Basically, a determined person with an opinion on anything, and generally that opinion is against the general opinion, but man! he is so convincing.


• Rakshit Kachhal (Mechanical Engineering) : Kachhal is the typical nice, hardworking boy next door. But he aint that average when it comes to his passion and dedication. An excellent PR expert, knows everybody around, can talk people into getting things done. He is a person of a kind I haven't met anywhere else, nor do I believe I will. He is not only unique in his own identity, but even in his whole "type". Iss type ke log nahin milte, hote hi nahin hain. [People of his type are not easy to find, coz they don't exist!] Loves music, all kinds, loves dancing, loves life. He lives a grand life. Enjoys each and every bit of it. At the long and short of it, he's a Do-Nothinger. He really has had his share of doing things. He has already done a major thing in life. He is the "Kholu" of Mechanical Department of our batch. (meaning, he's the best JEE ranker who opted for Mech at IITK) That speaks it all.


• Vinod Khare (Civil Engineering) : He's the author. The shy, reclusive, pessimistic, sadistic, pervert who churns out excellent stuff (mostly Sci-Fi). He is an authority on Science Fiction. A very very deep thinker and philosopher. The shades of grey in his hair lend him the name Daddu. His department people call him an endsem specialist, coz he rocked a course in the 5th semester by scoring almost full marks in the end sem, when most of the class was lingering at 50%! A man without desires, or atleast an expression of desires. Content with whatever he has. And one more thing, really drools for eye candy on his desktop. The most weirdest of small widgets are available with him, as well the choiciest of wallpapers. Reads like a lawnmower, always found reading some crappy sci-fi story, if not writing one. You should look at him becoming pessimistic. Its almost infective. But its kindof cute.


• Saumya Jain (Aerospace Engineering) : He is the sanest, coolest and THE most modest person of this group (broke the alphabetical order to put my name in the end!) Also, the most far removed from institutional things like exams and all. (I have an exam in less than 24 hours from now, and I started typing this post when I had 25, heh heh! A genuine Do-Nothinger) He is popular in the batch as the "Kholu" of Aerospace. Now unlike the kholu of Mechanical Engineering, who is reverred for his decision to take up Mechanical when he could have opted for Electrical, or even Computer Science (HOT streams, I dunno why), the kholu of Aerospace Engineering is branded as an unfortunate fool, driven by passion alone. The kholu of Aerospace forgoes a bright career in Mechanical Engineering and chooses Aerospace, ignited by watching flying Aircraft or Rockets taking off. People here tell him, yeh tumne kya kar diya dost, apne hi paer par kulhaadi maar li ? [What have you done friend, scripted your own doom?] I say BOO to them. They don't know what fun it is to handle only 4 courses in a sem when the poor "mechanical" people have to take 6! More so, these people don't realise that we need Aerospace Engineers more than Mechanical ones, what with the Indian Space Programme taking off by the end of this decade. Anyways, that was not the topic of discussion. So Saumya Jain...now what do I say about myself? Just that my role in the Do-Nothinger meetings is that of a moderator. Am slightly political, so I can actually take the meeting on one direction in return of a favour. Everyone knows this, so they don't give me favours, and hence the meetings remain indecisive. I guess that is enough.

So these were the six people that make up the Do-Nothingers. About what we discuss, I'll cover that in the next post. I guess I really should set myself down to study some Gas Dynamics, before it is too late.

Inviting "her" to Orkut

Now this is a dilemma many of us would have faced.

Suppose then, that you have a close friend who, unfortunately for you, is a girl. Now, upon the issue that she wants to discover the "fundoo network of orkut", its left upto you to defend yourself, as to why you don't wanna invite her over to this "fundoo network".

My reasons...

1. Orkut is not a social network. It is a highly unsocial (anti social, if you may) gang of equally highly unsocial (anti social, if you may again) people. It thus is a forum for those kind of people to join hands who either (a) have no work to do at all except "orkutting" or (b) are definitely involved in some seditious act of overthrowing their respective governments.


2. Orkuteers, the one falling in the category described in 1(a) are essentially people who are on the internet almost whole of their awake part of the day. That counts in IITians, by far the most obnoxious female-hunters in the human species that I have come across. They would lap up, and add, and scrap, and view any profile that is even remotely "female". Even my profile gets hit now and then with people taking me to be a girl, by virtue of my name. Now would I want one of my friends to enter a community of SeFIs (Sexually frustrated IITians?) Hmm...maybe no.


3. Also, for the non-SeFIs, it is quite a curious thing to land up on Saumyä Jain's profile, look at a particular girl in the friend's list and ask..."Oye Saumya, yeh kaun hai?" [Hey Saumya, who's her?] Now again, if I say, "She's a friend", then would these nosy pokers stop at that? ... maybe no. And till the time she is a friend, I wouldn't want any @$$40l3 nosy neighbourhood BBC (Bahut Bada Chaman) to invent stories about us and spread it around.

So I let it be at that. 3 reasons are good enough not to invite her to this absolutely wonderful way to meet new friends and find old ones, Orkut.

You don't get an invite from me, dear lady.