All that is good in this world deserves a second coming.
After 30 long years and one helluva month, my lovely illustrious life (the really good and the really bad parts of which are frozen here in the annals of this blog) decided to come to an end, what with the remains of a averagely glorious past behind me and a gloomy autumn of writers' block that well extended into the last few years, wherein I have neither blogged nor lived, just existed in the most plain-vanilla manner you could imagine. Although near its very end, this withering existence of mine did verily shoot up a last flare in the night sky, and akin to a dying candle, there was a final moment of intense brightness just before the end. I am of course referring to my marriage to a sweet little lady (Miss "Cha" for those who care; "Mrs. Jain" for those who don't) whom I had bumped into while number-crunching for Microsoft India. And everything I had held sacred until then, came-a-crashing down.
Mind you. Every-effing-thing.
Although I won't get into the juicy details for the world to read, but what I can tell for sure is that the boat has been rocked, and by God it is ROCKED to a MAYDAY! The only constant in my life at this point of time is the missus and I have spent the last few months just ogling at the many doors of riddance from this beast of a situation Me and Cha have found ourselves in, but to no avail. Hence, I have arrived at a conclusion that my life (as I knew it) is concluded. Khatam, finis, over.
And also, in the same vein, I have steadfastly decided that no more shall I be slave to the shackles, or the structures, or the ties that bind. No more shall I be fixated upon the viewpoint that I have held so dearly over the last thirty years. That has ceased to be, just like my old self. What's in the past belongs there, and now its time for something completely different.
Okay great analysis. But where do we go from here then?
Its a simple analogy. When a computer (and I mean Windows PCs here) misbehaves, we try a nifty thing called the "Task Manager" to manage the multiple processes that are running. When that fails to bring the irksome machine under control, we just get rid of all running programs and load them again - in short, we do a re-boot.
That's what I've been doing. When managing small fires in isolated domains of my life didn't help, I went for a full blooded reboot. Inhale, and exhale. Inhale just a wee bit more, and then exhale just a lil bit more. You get used to it. The oxygen gets to your lungs once again and you can recognize it from a far distant memory of your childhood when you were really free. I remember my dear Raj reminding me to "breathe". For me, this is what it means now. Clear your mind and pfft - pain begone! Practiced well, it very rightly robs one of all the f**ks one keeps giving to anyone and anything under the yellow sun. With no f**ks to give anymore, you become a happier person. I must admit, it is kind of boring to begin with, and unnerving - seeing your own ideals falling apart, but then that's the cleansing process. If I did what I did, then I reached where I reached. And it was not a happy place, so its legit to not do anymore of what I did back then, right? Takes time to sink in, but I am slowly coming round, picking up the pieces at my own pace, starting to do things that really make me happy (this, after having shut down everything that doesn't). I am a few weeks into the process, and no surprise, today I am back to my blog after almost an eternity.
This, dear ladies and gentlemen, is my life version 2. The definitive sequel. 'Coz you know, it aint over till its over :)
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Psst ... watch this space!
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