Thursday, October 19, 2006

Suicide Note : It starts all over again...

Life, they say comes a-round-a-full circle.

This semester is no better than the previous. Same story, pre registration time, full of enthusiasm in choosing courses, courses that seem interesting (in the long run, they DO turn out to be!), courses with the best facutly teaching them, courses that would require me to think and learn. But these are courses which would also need me to attend classes.

Why I do not attend a lot of classes, I cannot figure out. Maybe I have lost that trait somewhere. I don't attend classes, lose out on the course, finally end up either passing with a poor grade or flunking (Yes have done it a couple of times yeah!) Is this life? Is this the way things should be? Is this what I wanted to be?


The worse part is ... I scripted it myself. I am becoming exactly the same kind of person I loathed when I entered the institute gates for the first time. You know the one, Mr. Seem-to-know-it-all, Mr. Blabber-mouth, Mr. I'm-an-IITian-so-I-must-be-bright, those types. What it actually means, is that I haven't learnt ANYTHING after my JEE preparations got over. The trouble is, I haven't tried to, as well.

I was never a fighter. When it becomes too much, I just lie back and leave it. unfortunately that is not what works. I postpone/procastinate/or just ignore everything till it becomes too much to handle, at which point I just shirk it off. But but but, I am in a system that doesn't appreciate it, and it shouldn't either. I end up being more miserable.

I am thinking right now, that I would start studying this particular course (the mid-sem preparation for which triggered this post) after my midsems get over. But i have too much on my hands to make this commitment. As such I am going to have a hell lot of work in the next two weeks, there is also the CAT exam on 19th november after which we have, lo! the End sems. When does Saumya study? Saumya doesn't, gets an F, grinds his teeth harder, becomes a bigger sore loser, starts complaining around and then again goes into depression, something only a very few close friends can prevent as well as cure me out of.

Had it not been for them, I'd have been a major wreck already, not that I aint, but a bigger mess would have existed in the space currently allotted to Saumya Jain on this planet. If you know you are one of them, I should also let you know that I value your presence in my life and would always remember you people as my saviours. be continued, hopefully.

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